Below is my journal entry from the beginning of 2011. Tomorrow, I will post how God answered this cry of my heart…stay tuned!
January 11, 2011
It almost seemed morbid when I used to hear others say they longed for heaven. I couldn’t understand, perhaps because I was not spiritually ready and heaven was not to be my inheritance. But I think I got it, I too am NOW homesick. I long for my heavenly home. No I am not depressed or ungrateful for what God has blessed me with, but my perspective has shifted…I got it! This earth is not my home. This is just a speck in regards to the rest of eternity. I am homesick and I want to remain homesick. Lord help me to never get comfortable here on earth, let me always live in the reality that this is not my home. If I stay homesick then the cares of this life wont carry the same weight. If I am homesick what does it matter that I don’t have everything that I want and desire this side of heaven. If I am homesick then Jesus is at the forefront of my thoughts and I don’t allow myself to get distracted. God don’t cure my homesickness, don’t take it away, increase the desire so that I may remain focus on you while I am here on earth.
How do I stay in the place of thinking about heaven? How do I stay in the place of always having my eyes fixed on Jesus, the Lamb that was slain for my sin; the one who made it possible for me to come home someday? Jesus I don’t get it all and I know that I cant live as if I am not human, but keep heaven on my mind. Keep heaven on my mind. This year I desire to go to a place in you that I have never been before. I don’t know what that place is, I don’t know what it looks like, what it feels like but God I want more of you. I want your spirit to just explode within me so that when my day comes to be with you in heaven, you wont be foreign to me. Worship will have already been my breath; communion with you will already be my lifestyle. Show me everyday how to prepare for eternity. The angels are constantly giving you praise in my heavenly home, show me how to praise you so that my voice can join there’s when I finally see you. Are you homesick?
But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior. He will take our weak mortal bodies and change them into glorious bodies like his own, using the same power with which he will bring everything under his control.