NO HAIR AND I DO CARE.

I was writing a blogpost to complement my YouTube video, Why are you so stressed?  I had the intentions to finish the post this morning. But somehow it got deleted.  I was not happy!  In the process of looking for it, I came across some thoughts that I wrote down not too long ago about having a shaved head that I hadn’t published.  Why? I am trying my best not to make every blogpost and YouTube video be about my hair or lack thereof.  Why? I don’t want to dwell on it.  I suppose I want to appear strong.  I want to act normal. Wait, you don’t think I am normal?

But truth is while I am seeing all that God is doing in me and realize this process is necessary, I have had some low moments.  Some days I feel so free and then other days I am very much aware and self-conscious about not having hair. I have to fight to not invite shame back in.  This morning happens to be one of those days.  I woke up and shaved the new stubbles that had grown in to avoid looking like a balding old man.  I then realized I had some razor bumps in the back of my head, the lemons are working well as a deodorant but not going too well for razor bumps!  Talk about feeling deflated and super self-conscious! My conversation with God through my tears went something like this, “God can you at least take away the bumps.  I mean I just got the courage to go out bald. Please God, please take the bumps away!”  More tears.

I was just telling a close friend that I found myself thanking God for this process because so much has been revealed to me.  THAT conversation took place on a really good day a few weeks ago.   I am human and my feelings will go up and down. I know that I don’t have to hide my tears and as I am typing they are flowing.   No I am not pretending that it doesn’t feel awkward, it does.  No I am not pretending like I don’t care that I don’t have hair, I DO CARE.  BUT I CAN’T stay stuck here. On a day like today, I have a choice to both go with my feelings and wallow in self-pity, or I can chose to magnify God above my less than ideal situation.  Today I choose to praise, grab a scarf and keep it moving!

How about you?  What situation in your life is less than ideal?  Are you remaining stuck on how you feel and allowing self-pity to overwhelm you? Have you been magnifying your situation more than God?

 

Just in case you are interested, below are the thoughts I wrote out a few weeks ago.

NO Hair and I Do Care

NO hair and I wish I could say I don’t care

But the truth is, I care a lot

I look back at old pictures when the hair on my head was actually mine

And I long for yesterday

Funny how the girl back then was so discontent with what she had

And the girl today sees the beauty that the girl in the past couldn’t see

Funny how that happens…you don’t know what you have until it’s gone

I compared my hair to others

It wasn’t thick enough

Long enough

Straight enough

But I now realize

IT WAS ENOUGH, more than
FOR ME

Cause

That’s what God gave me

But this attitude of discontentment was not just about my hair

I look back at the girl from yesterday

And she had no clue

She never saw herself as enough

How DO I, today, become content in my new reality even if it’s not what I want it to be?

How do I keep myself from sinking into self-pity?

I say to God, please restore my hair

I cry, I beg

But He has shown me that even without much hair on my head, this process has caused Him to restore so much in me

Much that was lost that I did not know about

Much that was lost that could not be seen

So no hair and I do care

But not to the point where I will allow it to define or hinder me

 

8 thoughts on “NO HAIR AND I DO CARE.”

  1. Donielle says:

    I have a few situations like this in my life especially student loans. I’m believing God for your hair and for me being debt-free!

    1. Anika Jones says:

      Amen to that! Thank you for standing with me, it means a lot chuckle hut! 🙂

  2. LaShanda says:

    Thank you for your transparency. I definitely have days like this as well with dealing with fear and shame. Thanks for sharing. Adorable kiddos ❤

    1. Anika Jones says:

      I feel you on that one, It really is a daily decision to walk in freedom. Thanks for the compliment on the kiddos. 🙂

  3. glenda says:

    I also don’t like being in a pity party. Sometimes it has happened, especially when I’ve been waiting for what I thing is a very long time for my circumstances to change and it hasn’t yet. While I am waiting God gives me comfort, blessings, and conformation He hasn’t forgotten about me. Just what I need to keep moving forward.

    1. Anika Jones says:

      Waiting for change can be a challenge. But you are so right that while we are waiting God gives us what we need to keep keeping on. The challenge is for us to receive that comfort and blessing even when we dont have what we want.

  4. Well I know that we all go through moments of insecurities but you my dear I NEVER felt like you should have been insecure. You are one of the most beautiful people I know! I am not just talking about that beauty in your face! You defintiely have that. There is something deeper. Your beauty radiates from within and I thank God every time I think of you how blessed I am to have you in my life. I know that you will have days that seem tough but just know on those days you’ve got me here praying with you for restoration and a whole congregation of praying folk! I pray that your restoration would be complete and that your hair will also be restored.

    Your transparency is definitely encouraging. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable will also allow the God you serve with all of your heart to be able to reach down and restore you along with others touched byvuour blog. We all have seasons and this one happens to be yours. Restoration I pray will come for all the years you didn’t think you were enough, because you are enough, yesterday, today, and you will always be. Love you to pieces!

    1. Anika Jones says:

      THank you Myriam for such sweet words and encouragement. Love you back! 🙂

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