I must confess that I am addicted to prayer. Not because I am super spiritual but because I am human with many frailties. I cannot function and my days seem to fall apart without prayer. I really am a hot mess without it, ask my husband and children. There is just something about throwing myself at the feet of Jesus, telling Him all my unedited thoughts. In prayer I don’t have to tell Him what I think He wants to hear. I tell Him what I am really feeling, the good, the bad and the ugly. Then I take Him up on His word and ask Him to fix me. Fix the mess, the pain and the hurt.
There are times when I just sit and cry but I am fully convinced that He understands the meaning of each tear. While the cause of my pain may not immediately go away, just being in God’s presence crying like a baby gives me a peace beyond my understanding. I leave with a confidence that it is going to be alright. I may not know how it will work out, but our time together reminds me that it will and all for my good.
Then there are those times I run to prayer begging the Lord to tell me that I am not crazy for standing in faith even though I feel bullied by doubt and all his buddies. The times where the comments of others cause me to question if I am being too extreme, taking this faith thing a little too far. Ever been there? The times where I need to have the Lord comfort me and remind me that walking by faith will seem foolish to the world but it pleases Him, and in the end that’s all that matters.
I also have times of carrying the burdens of those I love, rolling over in my head how to fix them and their situation. At times the burden leaves me paralyzed because I want to make it all better. Then I am reminded that while I have no power to fix anything or anyone, I can pray. I become even more confident when I remember that God hears my prayer and is able to change any situation, no matter how hopeless. So I come to God on their behalf and do what I should have done in the first place…PRAY!
Then there are times where praise and adoration flow from my lips and I am overwhelmed with thanksgiving. The more I rehearse His goodness, the more I become aware of how awesome He is and I don’t want the moment to stop. I look for the pause button in these moments of sweet communion, hoping the phone wont ring and the children will remain asleep. But inevitably these moments of prayer have to come to an end, but the residue of praise remains.
Yes I am addicted. I am not looking for a cure, just for more! How about you, are you addicted to prayer? How has prayer benefited you?
1 Thessalonians 5:17: NEVER STOP PRAYING
I am bald but my baldness doesn’t define who I am. I got it. Today I embrace me, all of me. Laying aside the shame, the insecurities and I am choosing to begin the journey of being confident and joyous in who I really am, bald head and all. Today I did something that I didn’t think I would have had the courage to do before. I got up in front of a room of about 50 women and as the warm tears flowed down my cheeks I took off my wig and showed them ME . They didn’t laugh. They didn’t whisper and tear me down. Instead they cried. They cheered. They embraced. They praised God. They spoke life. THEY LOVED ME, the real me.
This was a defining moment in my life. I took a stance against the enemy and my actions screamed at him, letting him know that I choose to no longer be bound by the shame he wants me to have. In that moment I unlocked some of the chains from my past that still had me bound and I CHOSE TO walk in another level of freedom that Jesus has already purchased for me. In that moment there was a greater level of death to the old me and birth was given to something new. I am not saying that I will never wear wigs again as I wait for healing to manifest BUT I now have a new perspective!
I have always been overly concerned with what others think of me. I always have to put my best foot forward. I have to please. I have to be liked. Filled with pride. The same symptoms that lead to my very bald head. I began to loose my hair because I put too much stress on it with chemicals and weaves. When I first began to loose my hair, the thought of giving up chemicals was not even an option. Why? Because the real me of course was not good enough, not cute enough, no way could I let others see me in my natural state. Deep rooted insecurities birth from past experiences.
Hear me when I say that this is not about whether or not you should put chemicals or extension in your hair. Doing these things pointed to a deeper issue FOR ME (this may not be the case for everyone). When I was told by a dermatologist to stop putting chemicals in my hair, I scoffed at the idea. Go natural and show everyone me, absolutely not. Driven by insecurities and pride I continued the vicious cycle of destroying my hair follicles until they shut down and well, I was left bald with no other option but to wear wigs.
BUT MY GOD IS SO AWESOME. Through a chain of painful events, the healing process began. I have prayed and stood in faith believing the Lord to supernaturally restore my hair. Its nothing for God to just touch my scalp and have hair appear. However, I recognize that God is more concerned about me getting the lesson than the blessing. The blessing can be fleeting but once I get the lesson its lasting and can be applied to other areas of my life guaranteeing more victory. Unveiling my bald head today was necessary for my healing. It went so much deeper than taking off my wig. I was taking off the shame, the hurt from the past, insecurities, conflicting thoughts. I now have even more faith to believe the Lord for restoration of my hair because today inward healing took place and I rejoice!
What is it that you have to take off for healing to begin? A new level of freedom awaits you when you do.
So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free. John 8:36