As I sit and reflect, I see how selfish I used to be (a tendency I suspect I will have to continue to fight). It was all about Anika. I must admit that I hit the panic button more than once. Why?
I feared that things would not work out the way I WANTED them to. I chose to worry and not trust.
Forgiveness was hard because it was all about how much they hurt ME. Roots of bitterness were established.
Consistent hospitality was a challenge because it meant that I would be inconvenienced. I became annoyed when you were in my space uninvited and stayed longer than I wanted.
In short my actions proved that I struggled with the ALL ABOUT ME syndrome.
So what has changed? I am now at a place of greater surrender. I am learning to get out of the way and not become my own God.
The scales continue to fall from my eyes. I see myself and realize that it is not always someone else’s fault. I am learning to admit my guilt and say sorry from a sincere heart. Pride is being replaced with humility.
I am learning to keep the doors of my heart and home open. There is so much beauty and joy in fellowship and vulnerability.
I am learning that WAIT is not a bad word. Much is learned in the process. I learn to worship from a pure heart. I see God in new ways and I fall deeper in love. Gratitude becomes the song of my heart. In the waiting I learn that He is enough. SIMPLY ENOUGH.
I am learning that real freedom comes when I imitate Christ, taking the focus off of myself, and making it all about God’s will. How about you, do you struggle with the all about me syndrome?