Me

January 24, 2014
Jesus Talk     Life of Faith     Prayer     Testimonies

I am a very expressive person. I love people. I love to talk. I love to share the new things I am learning and when I share I love to share with a childlike enthusiasm that may annoy some. I love to get to the “feelings” part of every story. I share my feelings and when I am done, I want to hear your feelings as well… and when we are done sharing, I love to have a , ” so what does this all mean and how does this all connect party.” No kidding its true, ask my non-talkative husband. Along the way, I tried being someone else. I tried to contain what God had given me to share. I tried being more ” mature” in the way I expressed myself. Who God had made me to be was getting lost along with the gifts that came with my personality. I got discouraged and even doubted God using me on a grander scale, I was slowly shutting down. The noise in my ear sounded something like this, ” yes you blog but you dont write as well as the other bloggers out there. Yes you have ideas that you think are creative but others will see them as being juvenile, and whatever it is you are saying has been said by others but even better. ” Insecurities, doubts, and past hurts can be big bullies if you entertain them.

I just got off the phone with a really good friend (we all need one)and she encouraged me from such a sincere heart. I hung up the phone feeling refreshed and ready to unleash what I know the Lord has put in me without reservations. Help me Lord to not be hung up on feedback from others, help me to be faithful to dispense what you have put it me. Help me to use every gift you have put in me for your glory, and not for the approval of man! And let the church say AMEN!!!!

Deliverance

2 comments
September 16, 2012
Testimonies

 

I am bald but my baldness doesn’t define who I am.  I got it.  Today I embrace me, all of me.  Laying aside the shame, the insecurities and I am choosing to begin the journey of being confident and joyous in who I really am, bald head and all.  Today I did something that I didn’t think I would have had the courage to do before.  I got up in front of a room of about 50 women and as the warm tears flowed down my cheeks I took off my wig and showed them ME .  They didn’t laugh.  They didn’t whisper and tear me down. Instead they cried.  They cheered.  They embraced.  They praised God.  They spoke life.  THEY LOVED ME, the real me.

This was a defining moment in my life.  I took a stance against the enemy and my actions screamed at him, letting him know that I choose to no longer be bound by the shame he wants me to have.  In that moment I unlocked some of the chains from my past that still had me bound and I CHOSE TO walk in another level of freedom that Jesus has already purchased for me.  In that moment there was a greater level of death to the old me and birth was given to something new.  I am not saying that I will never wear wigs again as I wait for healing to manifest BUT I now have a new perspective!

I have always been overly concerned with what others think of me.  I always have to put my best foot forward.  I have to please.  I have to be liked. Filled with pride.  The same symptoms that lead to my very bald head.   I began to loose my hair because I put too much stress on it with chemicals and weaves.   When I first began to loose my hair, the thought of giving up chemicals  was not even an option.  Why?  Because the real me of course was not good enough, not cute enough,  no way could I  let others see me in my natural state.  Deep rooted insecurities birth from past experiences.

 

Hear me when I say that this is not about whether or not you should put chemicals or extension in your hair.  Doing these things pointed to a deeper issue  FOR ME (this may not be the case for everyone).  When I was told by a dermatologist to stop putting chemicals in my hair, I scoffed at the idea.  Go natural and show everyone me, absolutely not.  Driven by insecurities and pride I continued the vicious cycle of destroying my hair follicles until they shut down and well, I was left bald  with no other option but to wear wigs.

 

BUT MY GOD IS SO AWESOME.  Through a chain of painful events, the healing process began.  I have prayed and stood in faith believing the Lord to supernaturally restore my hair.  Its nothing for God to just touch my scalp and have hair appear.   However, I recognize that God is more concerned about me getting the lesson than the blessing. The blessing can be fleeting but once I get the lesson its lasting and can be applied to other areas of my life guaranteeing more victory.  Unveiling my bald head  today was necessary for my healing.  It went so much deeper than taking off my wig.  I was taking off the shame, the hurt from the past, insecurities, conflicting thoughts.  I now have even more faith to believe the Lord for restoration of my hair because today inward healing took place and I rejoice!

 

What is it that you have to take off for healing to begin?  A new level of freedom awaits you when you do.

So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.  John 8:36