My husband told me yesterday that he loved me more now than he did before. He was falling in love all over again. I blushed and told him the feeling is mutual. Our marriage is in a good place. This man is pursuing me like nobody’s business and I am LOVING EVERY MOMENT OF IT. This has not always been the case. During our marriage, we have experienced highs and lows, some deep wounds, shed many tears, spoke some very harsh words, had moments of unforgiveness and bitterness BUT God!
Marriage is hard work. Period. However as Tyrone and I reflect on all we have been through we recognize that it was NOTHING but the grace of God that kept us together. Difficulties are a guaranteed part of life, but God promises the victory…ALWAYS. These years have taught us that it is not money, beauty, or even good health that keeps a marriage together. We have been challenged in all of the above departments. After 13 years, 6 children, 2 miscarriages, 2 babies in the NICU, 1 income, and severe hair loss I can confidently say that we are not enduring in our marriage. WE ARE THRIVING. How? Pursuing God. The difficulties that should have torn our marriage apart have produced a deeper love for God and for each other.
You see, even in all of our challenges and imperfections, God has given us the victory. God tells a husband that he is to love his wife as Christ loves the church and gave himself for her. This is for better or for worse kind of love. Not something a husband can do in his own strength. Then for us wives we are told to respect our husband and submit to his authority. Respect him even when you don’t agree or can’t understand why he does what he does. Submitting to Tyrone’s authority was not easy for me. I was so dug in and very bent on doing things my way. However as we both pursue God, He has given us the grace to do what seems impossible. One of the reasons why I am falling in love with Tyrone all over again is that he now has a greater pursuit of God. Knowing that my husband seeks the face of God brings me great comfort as a wife; trusting his leadership. Submission then becomes a joy and not a chore.
Having a good marriage is not automatic. You have to work at it. But let me tell you it is absolutely worth it. If you are on the brink of throwing in the towel on your marriage, I want to encourage you to consider otherwise. There is so much more to lose than to gain if you walk away. I can confidently say that God is a redeemer, try Him with your marriage. Take the steps necessary for success. Have you repented of your sins and given your heart to Jesus? Are you connected to a church body? Accountability and sound BIBLICAL counsel are necessary ingredients for a good marriage. If you are in the Chicago land area and are looking for a church home, I of course encourage you to join me at my church. Oh and bring your spouse, even if you are mad at him/her.
I want to do marriage the good old fashioned outdated bible way. I want to be my husbands biggest cheerleader. I want him to be happy to come home because he knows a warm home cooked meal is waiting for him(well most days at least). I want him to know that I respect and love him. I choose to magnify his strengths and pray like crazy concerning his weaknesses. I want him to share his heart with me without hesitation or fear that I may judge him. I want my actions to make him fall in love with me over and over again. I want him to still be happy that he chose me to be his bride even after 13 years of marriage. Now while the feminist may scoff at this and render me as a weak and needy woman, the bible says the opposite! And oh, for the record I am so weak and needy, and admitting this has been so liberating and brought a greater level of intimacy between me and God and my husband (2 Corinthians 12:9). Nevertheless I digress, back to the topic at hand. Have you ever read the bible and the words just leap off the page and you can hardly contain yourself because you finally get it? I recently read Proverbs 31. Yeah that same passage that challenges us women in so many ways. It’s amazing because often times when this passage is discussed, the focus is on all this woman DOES as opposed to who SHE IS! I find it interesting that the passage doesn’t open up with all her deeds, instead, it first highlights how her husband feels about her. “Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. HER HUSBAND CAN TRUST HER, AND SHE WILL GREATLY ENRICH HIS LIFE. “Proverbs 31:10-12.
I must admit that I have not always proven myself to be trustworthy to my husband. No I have
never ran off with another man but I I have done a lot of running with my mouth. I have never had issues with telling him what I thought he was doing wrong, what was wrong with him and what he needed to do better. When I was done I would expect him to trust me with his thoughts. In short I was a being a nag! I felt very justified in my nagging. I must praise God for his grace because He has brought me from a very loooooooooooong way. Let all the “expressive” ladies say amen! I have already confessed in a previous post that I love to talk but I am learning the delicate art of knowing when to speak and when to be silent. I don’t have to stop talking, I just take my chatting party to God in prayer. I must confess that sometimes as he is speaking, everything in me is screaming, “I CANT BELIEVE YOU SEE IT THIS WAY or HOW CAN YOU THINK LIKE THAT!” However, as I am learning to hold my peace and not always play therapist in our discussions, my husband is sharing more of his unedited thoughts with me. And you know what, I find that when I listen, REALLY LISTEN he is more willing to solicit my advice and comments and a greater level of trust is developed. And it sure is easy to love somebody you trust, dont you think?
“We must spend time together now because when the kids are grown and gone it will just be us. We dont want to end up being strangers.”. These are the lines I use with my husband to sell the idea of a monthly date night. I have heard of couples divorcing once the kids are gone. Why? Because they poured so much time and energy into raising the children and the marriage was neglected. What a sad ending but it makes sense. How can I enjoy spending time with someone who became a stranger over the years? This is not to say we are not to raise our children but we must prioritize correctly.
I began to think about eternity. You know, eternity is forever and ever and ever….it’s amazing how we casually talk about it. We are all going to spend eternity in one of two places, heaven or hell. Most claim they are going to spend an eternity with a God they don’t even have a relationship with now. If I don’t worship him now, what makes me think I will be able to or even want to worship Him for all eternity? It’s not just about going to church and being a good person. It’s about having communion with The Lord, totally surrendering all to Him. It’s about Him being our life not an afterthought. If He is a stranger to me now, then I won’t be invited to the party. As we all make news years resolution, let a right relationship with Jesus be at the top of the list because after the new year has come and gone, eternity still awaits us all!