I don’t always do this mommy thing right. Some days leave me a frazzled mess and I just want to get under the covers and go back to bed. The call feels so much bigger than me and my inadequacies are on full display. I sometimes get away with looking as if I have it all together from the outside, but come through my front door and sit with me long enough and the truth will be revealed. My house is not always Pinterest clean, and my children are not always well behaved.
Being a parent is not for the faint of heart, there are so many twist and turns and unknowns. All six of my children have distinct personalities and right when I think I have it figured out, they say or do something that leaves me scratching my head. There are also days in which I honestly don’t know how to respond to them or respond in the wrong way. Days in which I yell when I should listen or hastily move them along to the next task instead of pausing to give a hug. Then when I get to the end of the day guilt sets in and I put more emphasis on what I did wrong, how I should know better.
I am learning that I can’t give up and cry woe is me if I have a less than perfect day in parenting world. If I put the emphasis on me always doing it right or knowing all the answers, I will always disappoint. God has used parenting to pull back the layers and show me how I have made an idol of my wisdom and my perceived strength. I have been guilty of taking my focus off of God and getting wrapped up in MY ABILITIES…great formula for failure. However I am learning to embrace His mercies that are new every morning and humbly admit that I just cannot do this journey on my own. I NEED GOD…DESPARATELY! I am more convinced more now than ever of my need to pray. But as always, when I seek Him from a humble and broken heart He answers, making for a more successful journey. How about you? What has your parenting journey been like? Has it been difficult for you to admit your need for God in the process? Do you accept His wisdom when He gives it? Leave a comment and let me know.
I do not like potty training. At. All. But it has to be done. I have often heard that you have to go when the child is ready but I think it is equally as important that the trainer is also ready. Potty training a toddler is not for the faint of heart. My almost two year old has been showing signs that she was ready, but I was not…until yesterday. I was talking on the phone to a good friend and she encouraged me to not ignore the signs and miss this “great” opportunity to get number 6 out of diapers. I had to get my head in the game. So off to Walmart I went with all six kiddos in tow. I was tickled by how excited the siblings were at the idea of getting Faith potty trained. We picked out a potty and she was beyond thrilled. She screamed if anyone touched her potty. It had to be in the front of the cart with her. So one would think that she would immediately sit on it when we got home…not so. She screamed and refused to sit on the potty last night. I backed off and decided to give it a try again today. I was pleasantly surprised at how she “Embraced” this new adventure. I think it may have had something to do with the fact that she did not have 7 people standing there cheering her on to go potty…yeah I suppose that was not a good introduction. Today most of the crowd was at school so I think she was a little more relaxed. I have used different methods of potty training but the one that I am choosing to go with has proven to be the quickest and most effective. It is tiring and flat out gross but totally worth it. So what am I doing?
This method was not my original idea. You can read here and here for more details. Most promise that if you use this method you can have your child potty trained in 3 days… consistency being key. I used this method with child number 5 and he was potty trained in a week and a half…not a bad deal. This is not to say that we did not have accidents after the initial training.
The first day is the MOST DIFFICULT. Be prepared to clean up messes and your patience to be tested in new ways. But hang in there, it will click for your child if you remain consistent. What is your favorite potty training method?
At the beginning of the year my husband told me that one of our family goals was to get to church before it starts. Yeah we were pretty much that family that showed up in the middle of praise and worship and sometimes later. He is not late for his job and the children are not late for school he reasoned. The Lord wanted us to have a renewed perspective on going to worship as it is more important than a job or school. Point well taken Pastor Tyrone. I will say it is a lot of work but with more deliberate planning on my part it can be done. Hear me when I say that I write this post not as an expert or as someone who has mastered all of this. I am in the thick of things here folks but I have found that consistently implementing the following steps has helped us to be punctual.
1. Washing and combing the girls hair can be very time consuming. With that in mind I now try to wash and comb the two older girls hair on Saturday. This way I just have to focus on Faith’s hair on Sunday morning. No more playing beauty shop on Sunday mornings.
2. Select and iron clothing for children and adults midweek. This is a huge time saver. When I say select clothing I mean everything, including accessories (tights, socks, belts, etc.). Make sure the tights you thought would work don’t have holes in them, not fun to find this out on Sunday morning. Even with a designated spot to put them, shoes can quickly go missing from our shoe closet downstairs. Tyrone has made it a point to get the younger two boys church shoes and put it in their rooms as opposed to the regular shoe closet. This way we don’t run the risk of searching for missing shoes as we are heading out the door.
3. Fill your vehicle with gas during the week, don’t wait until Sunday morning.
4. We also try to make sure everyone completes their homework either on Friday or Saturday. This way we don’t have to stress about signing papers or completing homework before or after church. I realize that this may change as the kids get older and their homework becomes more difficult. However at this point in the game we are trying to teach them to prioritize and prayerfully these lessons will stick.
5. Restock the diaper bag with pampers, change of clothes and wipes the night before. In the morning, I have a designated child pack snacks for the younger ones and fill the sippy cup. He is also instructed to take the bag immediately to the van once the task is completed, ensuring that we do not leave the diaper bag behind.
6. Get to bed at a reasonable hour. We try not to entertain the mindset of ” oh it’s the weekend so we can stay up as late as we want.” We don’t allow the children to stay up late on school nights so the same holds true for the night before we go to worship. Our service starts a little later but we try to have breakfast together on Sunday mornings and we also have to travel a distance for church. We are not mommy and daddy kill joy so the kids may stay up one or two extra hours later but we encourage them to get a good night sleep.
7. I aim to get up at least a hour before the entire family on Sunday morning. This means I have to be wise about what time I go to bed on Saturday night. During this hour I cook dinner. Don’t be too impressed, I try to make my Sunday dinner as simple as possible and make the oven do most of the cooking. I do not try new recipes on Sundays. I stick to what I know and what I do well. Sunday is the day for whole roasted chicken, ribs, roast, etc. I like to slow cook my meats so I put it in first thing in the morning and by the time we are ready to leave for church 4 hours later, I can take dinner out the oven and put it in the fridge. I also aim to prepare sides that require minimum work like oven roasted sweet potatoes or steamed vegetables. It takes me approximately 30 minutes most mornings to prepare a nutritious Sunday dinner. We sometimes choose to eat out on Sundays as a special treat but this is an exception not the rule.
8. We have a departure time in mind. This sounds simple but it really is needed. If you have the mindset that we will leave when we can, it doesn’t give you a goal to work toward. Announcing to the older children what time we want to leave helps to keep them on track and keep us all on the same page.
With six children 11 and under things won’t always go as planned but the above steps have helped to minimize a lot of frustrations on Sunday mornings.
What are some things your family does to prepare for Sunday Worship?
We live in a society that often complicate simple matters. Money is great and I could always use more. However, the lack thereof should not be used as an excuse for not spending quality time with your children. No, we have never taken our children to Disney, and we don’t go on too many vacations but this doesn’t mean that we don’t spend quality time with them. Below are some things we do on a weekly basis to spend time with our children, providing a sense of security.
1. Pray with your children. Yes that counts as spending time with them. Prayer breaks down walls you didn’t know existed between you and your child. We have been making more of an effort to have corporate prayer times as a family. Tyrone and I are not the only ones that pray, we give each of the children a chance to participate. You hear what’s on their heart during this time. Some of that prayer time is spent disciplining and training the younger ones to be still, this can sometimes be frustrating but necessary so we keep at it. My goal this year is to also have individual prayer time with each child. It may only last a few minutes and that’s ok. I often ask them what they need prayer for, there is a short dialog, we pray and carry on. Each week the prayer time looks different. I am learning to not always wait for the perfect moment but to incorporate prayer with the flow of life.
2. Attend church together each week as a family. I have a husband, six children and we are all very different. Attending church together to worship God is our common ground. The sermon that was shared, the songs that were sung, the people we spoke to at church, the prayers that were prayed, the convictions that were felt, the aha moments that came as the preacher preached…these all give us some point of connection to dialogue on throughout the week. I know of parents who go to church without their children because they view them as a distraction from service. They may also feel that church is too long for the children especially if there is no nursery or children’s church. Believe me when I say I get this. I have had my fair share of being in the hallway with a misbehaving or loud child during service. But this is a part of the training. They eventually get it, some sooner than others. More seeds are sown than you may realize even if they don’t understand all that is being said. God knows how to reveal His truths to the youngest of soul. Whatever you do, choose a church based on God’s leading and not your child. It’s not always about the abundance of flashy and exciting programs for your child. God knows exactly where you and your family need to be for your spiritual growth. Trust his leading, it has eternal implications.
3. My husband has a weekly library date with the children. Each week the children are allowed to check out three fiction and three non fiction books along with some videos. While picking out the non fiction books, Tyrone gets insight into their world and interest. Conversations naturally flow and it is an outing that they look forward to every week. The kids absolutely enjoy this time with their father. Library cards are free and there are always new resources at the library, not a bad deal.
4. Eat dinner together as a family. I get it, we are all busy and I know that this is not always possible to do every night. Perhaps you can start off with picking just one day of the week and build from there. When we eat together, we each go around sharing the high (good) and low (bad) parts of our day. This gives us a lot of insight into each other’s day and provides a lot of teachable opportunities for Tyrone and I.
What do you do to spend quality time with your child? Leave a comment below.
She was not sleepy, I just got her her up 30 minutes prior. She was not hungry she just gobbled down breakfast AND NO she was not wet. I changed her diaper right before she ate. But there was princess tugging at my leg demanding that I pick her up. Why? She is spoiled, very spoiled. All I could do was whisper in desperation, “Dear Lord please undo what we have done. ” You see Faith has a story and when God answered our prayers, we were overjoyed. We brought our miracle home and spoiled her… real good. Tyrone and I were not the only culprits. Her siblings stayed in her face. If she cried, there were six other pair of hands ready to rescue her, it was a team effort. And today we are dealing with the results.
How many other times have I prayed that same prayer when I felt the consequences of MY poor choices.
When I yell at my children in anger and unleash misdirected frustration at them. I see them deflate right before my eyes. I feel ashamed.
When I speak negatively of others and I later hear my children with the same critical tone. I am forced to look in the mirror.
When I have had one too many “deserved” treats and I am left feeling sluggish, cranky and quite round.
All of the above situations leave me asking the Lord to undo what I have done. I have learned that God won’t go back in time and undo my mess. However, all is not lost. When you have a surrendered heart, He provides the tools to move forward and the wisdom to make choices aligned with His will. My life testifies to the fact that repentance invites the Lord to masterfully redeem self inflicted pain.
So here we are at the close of 2014 and it is so easy to focus on all the mistakes, all your shortcomings, all the ” I knew better why did I?” Perhaps you are currently dealing with the painful consequences of choices that you made in 2014 that were out of God’s will. There is no sense of hope for the new year only regret for what’s behind.
If you have not done so already, Jesus is lovingly inviting you to come to Him. Repentance is liberating and His forgiveness is the sweetest medicine I have tasted. While others may condemn and remind you of your mistakes, it’s not so with my Jesus…this is my testimony. So with all the New Years resolution, won’t you put a yes to Jesus at the top of the list and watch Him redeem in 2015!
But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. 1 John 1:9 NLT
This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:17 NLT
For the last 10 years I have been a stay at home mom. On more than one occasion I have been asked what I do all day. Um-mm let me see how to phrase this… I train all day. Not the kind of training you may be thinking about, allow me to explain. Scripture tells us to train our children in the way they should go, the God way, the truth way, the blood bought way. Training is not an option. Because of our inherited sin nature EVERY child, no matter how cute is born with a desire to do wrong. Everyday I am training and quite frankly it is hard work. My job is not to tame my children’s sin, instead I have been entrusted with the job of encouraging them to nail it to the cross through submission to Christ. Training begins with teaching them the word of God, this is the manual. The end goal is beyond nice behaved children. I want them to live knowing that death and judgment is certain for everyone. So through my training I am encouraging them to have a right relationship with God so that eternity can be spent with Him.
I train them not only through speaking the word but by living the word through my actions.
I train not just concerning the spiritual but the natural, but wait… the two are very much connected.
Yes, this training thing is hard work. The struggle is real but so is God’s love, His grace and His wisdom. I don’t always do it perfectly. I continue to learn that God gave us our children to train but certainly is not expecting us to do it on our own. We can do this…because of Christ!