Called to Help Not Hinder

 

What would happen if we dared to be the wives God called us to be?  What would happen if we rejected this world’s system, refusing to conform to their definition but hunger to be transformed through the renewing of our minds of what it means to be a wife? A God kind of wife; one that has made a decision to help her husband not hinder him.  One that understands and lives the depths of her vows, “for better or for worse.”  One that has a made up mind to love and to honor him even when we see him at his worse and feels he doesn’t deserve our help.  One that says I will help build you up with my speech. Speaking life even when death is threatening to suck the life out of me, when you don’t tell me what I desperately need to hear.  One that says I will help you by spending time in prayer on your behalf, not just telling on you  but loving you through my intercession.  I will help by hearing what God has to say about you, and speak it right back to you when you are at your lowest and can’t believe it.

I want to be one that makes her actions scream, “I will not hinder you!”  I will not allow myself to become a weapon in the devil’s hands to wound my head. I understand that we are one, and hindering him is hindering myself.  I will not hinder by tearing him down with my words on the phone with my girlfriends understanding that even though he doesn’t hear the conversations, he senses the weight of the words in my touch or lack thereof.  I will not hinder through reminding him of his past demanding that he be held captive for his mistakes.  I will help by freely offering forgiveness as often as it is needed and not questioning whether it is deserved.

The world is broken and contrary to what they may believe they need to see helpers in action, they need to see the word lived out.  They got the memo on the hinderers, they are all around…on the big screen, in the magazines and some are even hanging out in the church pews.   I want to be THAT wife, the helper not the hinderer! How about you?

 If you can find a truly good wife, she is worth more than precious gems! … ¹² She will not hinder him but help him all her life. 

Proverbs 31:  10, 12 TLB

 

When God Changes Your Mind…Celebrating 14 Years of Marriage

I never set out for all of this to happen, at least not so soon and not quite like this.  Him? All of them?

 

No they were not in my real life plans.  I left for the University with big bags and big dreams.  I had declared that I would not become a Mrs. until I earned my PhD.  Yes I was on a mission, my mission. Then I met this young man name Tyrone at the 22 Illini bus stop on 2nd and Chalmers in Champaign.  I had no clue that this meeting would forever change my life.

I came home that faithful winter break my junior year of college.  I was full on the outside but was empty and hurting on the inside. Salvation had been a long time coming.  The church was having a revival and my soul desperately desired to be revived.  I had been running, and when I stepped foot in that church I stopped.  It was then that God began to change my mind.

I went to the altar and said Yes to Jesus.  3 years later on August 11, 2001, I went back to that same altar and said yes to Tyrone.  The vows I uttered were poetic but for the record, I had no clue what I was really saying yes to.

• I did not know I was saying yes to Jesus at another level inviting Him to use my marriage as a tool to go beneath the surface and do some spiritual deep cleaning.
• I did not know that I was saying yes Jesus please begin a deeper process of changing my mind, changing my agenda, changing my plans and changing my heart.
•  I did not know I was saying yes Jesus use this marital relationship to prune me, to show me the depth of my selfishness and pride, and teach me true submission.
• I did not know I was saying yes God, overthrow our five year plan and let the babies start coming after year one, and continue to come for that matter!

The” for worse” part came sooner than thought.  We had some extreme lows (full display of flesh, hair loss, income reduction, sick babies, shed tears, and anger) but these lows created a greater surrender, pressing out a “yes God go ahead and change our minds because you know best.”

The beauty and the challenge of getting married young is that you get to “grow up” together.  We have seen God perform surgery on our hearts on more than one occasion over the last 14 years.  God has birthed beauty from great pain and closeness when the enemy sought to tear us apart.  My love for this man has gone deeper than I thought possible.  All of my initial plans have not been accomplished but here I am 14 years later thanking God that He changed my mind!

 

I am ready to let go and move on

There are parts of me that are fragile. Scarred from past hurts.  I love God. I do.  But sometimes I don’t look like He wants me to.  He has been showing me things.  About me.  Ugly things that I have been carrying. Things I need to let go of to go to the next level. To be promoted. Things that I didn’t want to let go of…until now.  Yes I have prayed about it before, but I still held on because I felt justified.  But I recently found myself crying and confiding in God, “I don’t know how to let it go God, but I want to.  I really do.  It is too heavy.  I don’t know how to let go of the pain, the offense, the hurt, the pride, false expectations, the jealously.”  But then He whispered, ” you don’t have to let go in your own strength you just have to desire to be purged of these things,  your desire for freedom invites me in to do my job….deliver.”

 

 

So I wept real hot tears.  Tears of freedom.  I felt the weight lifting, and I am being transformed…again. Always another level to go to but promotion always starts from the inside.  It is freeing to surrender these insecurities and scars to God. No judgment, no condemnation from Him.  Only pure love from my daddy.  He is always gently confirming that He is worthy of my love.

So today I share my heart with you, not to glorify my weaknesses but to glorify a God who strengthens the weak.  A God who understands the complexities of our past but challenges us to live beyond that because the blood of His son made it right. Made me new.   I am making the choice to let go and move on.